Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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