either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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