woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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