tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
