So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
