It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
