Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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