I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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