Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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