How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
