I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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