I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
