just come out here and I will go home with you...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
