ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
