Someone shit on the floor
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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