Need sex. Gaining weight.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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