Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
