Ambien. No doubt about it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
