The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
