You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
