yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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