whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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