I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
