her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
