Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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