In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
