I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
