Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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