I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
