Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
