Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
