If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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