just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
