That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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