my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
