weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
