I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
