Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
