we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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