so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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