Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's like heaven, but drunker
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
