Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
