i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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