Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
