My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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