what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
