Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am one with the molecules
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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