Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
as a side note pls kill me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
