is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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