sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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