So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
