How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
