yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
